Richard Brookhiser shows that Stephen is a direct descendant of William F. Buckley. Ingrid Newkirk, president of PETA, had a revelation about being eaten.

William Donohue expresses Stephen's outrage at Pastor John Hagee's anti-Catholic bigotry. Howard Dean phones Stephen to give him a cheerful update on the primaries. Jennifer 8. Lee tells Stephen that Americans eat Chinese food more often than they eat apple pie.