What happens when your parachute doesn't open, when your new parent is a sex doll, and what A truly terrifying halloween display, a contestant with the "body of a superhero", and possibly the dumbest criminals of all time? Draw your own conclusions in this week's episode of The Misery Index.

A biking accident of glacial proportions, a real misery who identifies as a wolf, and searching for a cell phone on a trash barge.