Nick gets in trouble with Suzanne after neglecting to tell her that he visited a sexually suggestive pirate-themed restaurant named Booty (à la Hooters). Meanwhile, Lindsey and Kevin pester Suzanne about their allowances.

Suzanne forbids Lindsey to use her credit card to buy a Michelle Obama sweater online. She then goes behind her back and asks Nick to help her get the sweater. Meanwhile, Martin asks Kevin to pretend to be a disadvantaged orphan in order to get an autographed Alex Rodriguez bat.