When Peter, Quagmire and Joe visit the Harvard University campus, Quagmire accidentally marries a prostitute. In order to get out of his marriage, Quagmire pretends to be lovers with Peter.

To buy new sneakers, Chris steals money from Lois' purse. When Meg catches him in the act, she forces him to do all of her chores in exchange for keeping mum. But Chris finally tires of the pact, and runs away to live with Herbert. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian become obsessed with singer Anne Murray, and visit her to find out the true meaning of "Snowbird".