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Peter is asked to fill in for the mall Santa, until he gets drunk on the power when he realizes that Santa can get away with anything. Meanwhile, Stewie and Brian crash holiday office parties for the free food, drama and women.
Carter buys the Pawtucket Patriot brewery and decides to cut some corners to save a few bucks. Peter overhears the plan and runs and tells investigative journalist Tricia Takanawa about Carter's plan to use toxic chemicals in the beer cans. Meanwhile, Brian's drivers' license has expired and he enlists Stewie as an instructor.
Quagmire scores free friends-and-family plane tickets for a guys' trip to San Francisco. However, after seeing the auto-pilot function, the boys doubt Quagmire's flying skills. Then, unforeseen events in the air put Quagmire's abilities to the test.