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Quagmire discovers the "dating" app Tinder, forcing Peter, Joe and Cleveland to intervene and save him from his soul-sucking hedonism. Meanwhile, Stewie finds out that he has scoliosis and learns the perks of his latest diagnosis.
The guys decide to form a string quartet, but Peter doesn't make the cut. Meanwhile, Brian is forced to be Carter's seeing eye dog and enjoys the life of luxury a little too much.
Peter helps Joe out with several crime cases, but when Joe tries to take all the credit, Peter gets extremely angry. Meanwhile, Brian convinces Stewie to join a football team and panics when he gets a concussion.