Joe, Quahog's disabled cop, is depressed after failing to nab a perp, so Peter suggests he compete in the Special People's Games as a confidence booster. His event: the decathlon. His competition: "a trash-talking quadriplegic" (voice of series creator Seth MacFarlane). Tony Danza and Valerie Bertinelli have voice cameos as actors playing Joe and his wife, Bonnie, in a movie.

Brian, depressed over bad luck in love, is convicted of DUI and sentenced to care for an ornery old woman whose past comes to the attention of celebrity watcher A.J. Benza. Meanwhile, Peter grows a beard, which displeases Lois (who isn't alone in thinking that it's for the birds).