After Chris is approached by an Army recruiter, Brian goes to the headquarters to give him a piece of his mind, but Stewie tags along and gets them both enlisted in boot camp. The two make it through training with no help from Sergeant Angryman and end up in Iraq, where they try everything possible to get an honorable discharge. Meanwhile, at home base, Chris joins a Goth rock band and their hit track is -Evil, Evil Monkey-.

When Lois discovers that Chris has some bad information about sex, she volunteers to teach a sex-ed class at the high school. After Lois upsets the other parents with her honest approach, Principal Shepherd is forced to replace her with Reverend Jerry Kirkwood. Meanwhile, Meg and her new guy take an abstinence pledge, but still manage to find a loophole. And a terrified Stewie sets a series of traps for the Tooth Fairy, hell-bent on destroying him.