Dean Wormer is impressed by how far Blotto can punt a football, so he recruits him for the football team for the upcoming big game. But when Blotto refuses to play, the Deltas secretly substitute Flounder in his place, who by his own admission does not have a sports gene in his body. So it is up to the rest of the Deltas to figure ways to help the team win and keep Flounder from... floundering on the field, and not give the Dean a reason to eject Blotto from the college.

A speech by President John F. Kennedy about the fear of nuclear war leads to Greg Marmalard and the rest of the Omegas building an elite bunker for survival with campus security funds, while Flounder ponders the meaning of existence. When a faulty test alarm sounds like a real warning of missiles launching, everyone goes into action... with the Delta's throwing a 'Welcome Russians' party to end all parties, while the Omegas just prepare for the end.