Minutes before a rare wine discovered in the Montecito's cellar is auctioned off for $1 million, Mike realizes it is not genuine; a group of retirees checks into the hotel for a Sudoku tournament. Danny worries a sex-toy might become a rival for Delinda. The swimming pool is infested with topless crones.

Ed, Danny, and Mike make a bet on who's the best security operative among them and who can find the Montecito's biggest source of loss within a 24-hour period. Mary must sell the last residential suite and hopes to entice big money with a performance by John Legend. Sam tries to help newly honored hotel manicurist Polly win her boyfriend back.