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Satan can't decide between his new boyfriend and his former beau, Saddam Hussein. Meanwhile, Cartman has discovered his evangelical side and tries to ensure the gang a passage to heaven.
The boys, scared by Priest Maxi's threats of eternal damnation, scramble to take part in Holy Communion and their first Confession in order to "save" themselves.
The fearful boys speculate on the identity of their teacher as they begin the fourth grade, leading them to build a time machine to take them back to the safety of third grade.