Cormac McCarthy's latest novel is unfinished and for some reason he turns to Mike Tyson to help him find the ending. But just as Mike settles in to tackle some of that dense, unflinching McCarthy prose, a Chupacabra attacks! Mike puts down the book and puts up his fists.

Mike is a terrible driver and although each driving incident has been an accident, he's killed a lot of people. But when he discovers almost all the victims were astronauts, Mike decides there's only one logical explanation: He must be part of a secret government plot to kill astronauts, because of something they saw on the moon, something the government doesn't want us to know! Before giving this theory a second thought, Mike steals a rocket and blasts off for the moon. In the end, Mike learns from his auto insurer that he hasn't been killing astronauts after all. It was a clerical error and most of the deaths were astronomers. And there can't be a secret government plot to kill astronomers, right?