Opticians are the focus of Alf attention this week.

Also in the firing line are yer Fleet Street and yer Church, but he meets his match outside a ladies loo.

Alf uses his neighbours' phone to ring his daughter Rita, in Liverpool. It's so much easier now 'you don't have to bother with the operator no more' - but Rita's not on the phone and Else is still next door but after all: what are neighbours for!