Everyone on board the spaceship H.M.S. Camden Lock has the weekend off to mark Gary Neville Day - the holiday celebrating the 21st century footballer and inventor of artificial gravity.Vine has just bought an entire planet in an internet auction. He insists it was a bargain, and not the useless, poisonous ball of clay it appears to be.Teal is looking forward to dining with Henderson at the Officers' Dinner - perhaps a little bit too much.

While hunting for drug smugglers, the crew cross paths with Clare Winchester, the famous round-the-galaxy solo spacewoman. Concerned that she might have gone a bit loopy, and excited by the thought of meeting a real celebrity, Henderson drops in for a extremely ill-advised visit. Things aren't made any easier when the ship's cyborg pilot, Sandstrom, picks up a computer virus called 'Ploppymouth Two' which renders her useless. And very rude.