Charlie reads from Trump's Bible, crucifies Easter, resurrects the Titanic, and blesses China's love for Aussie wine. Roy & HG take the AFL to drug rehab and Zoe Coombs Marr shows where the internet all went wrong.

Charlie judges Lehrmann and cancels the Olympics, Margaret Pomeranz gives Todd Woodbridge an unreturnable serve, Concetta Caristo makes friends with the neighbours and Kiwi comic Guy Montgomery checks our spelling.