Seaman Tubby Mason was ordered to go on a crash diet or be kicked out of the Navy, but O'Toole finds that Tubby's letters contain luncheon meat - and his toothpaste tube is filled with liverwurst.

When DiJulio gets the measles, the rest of the crew is quarantined, and to pass the time profitably they try writing jingles for some contest prize money. They are called to a cooking contest thanks to St. John's mother's cookies, but their opponent pleads she is poor and needs money, so they give up. Later they discover that the lady enters another contest and cheats again.