The impressionists give us their take on what happened to Gandalf after the Lord of the Rings years. The Auf Wiedersehen, Pet team build Darth Vader a new Death Star and child behaviour expert Dr Tanya faces her toughest challenge ever. Plus Ozzy Ozbourne goes looking for the Glastonbury Festival and gets a little disorientated.

Kate Winslet, Martin Shaw, Judi Dench and Alan Rickman sprinkle their stardust on Jane Eyre. Captain Jack Sparrow embarks on a London City cruise in the sequel to Pirates of the Caribbean. Lesley Garrett and Charlotte Church star in The Sopranos.

David Blunkett's guide dog, Sadie, speaks out. Michael Parkinson interviews people waiting to catch a bus. Ozzy Osbourne digs into his family background on Who Do You Think You Are?

The Osbournes host an edition of Crimewatch that focuses on a theft at their home. A Sontaran bemoans typecasting as he discusses his career after finding fame on Doctor Who. Ellen MacArthur tries to interest customers in a new perfume.

Kirstie and Phil introduce their new show, Repossession, Repossession, Repossession. Steve Irwin advises customers in a greengrocer's how to handle dangerous vegetables. Plus an insight into what happens during the commercial break in Countdown.

Jeremy Clarkson finds support for his belief that cars aren't bad for the environment. While Peter Mandelson embarks on a new career, David Blunkett announces police reforms. Plus a trailer for the new Bridget Jones movie.

George Bush makes a solemn promise to the American people. An all-star cast, including Russell Crowe, Tom Cruise and Judi Dench, assemble for Trumpton: the Movie. The Fourth Doctor travels by Eurostar.

The impressionists take a humorous look at the battle for the American presidency. George Bush canvasses support in London, plus there's an election ad for John Kerry and a special episode of The West Wing.