Marcus, Grumio, Jason and Aurelius join the army in peace-time, hoping to win respect, romance and discounts at participating restaurants. But when war's declared, they're sent to fight on the front line for a cause they don't believe in. Now their main interest is the struggle for survival.

The journey takes our new recruits from their humdrum lives in Rome to the army garrison and tribal villages on the Empire's edge.

Jason's brother Darius is getting married and Marcus desperately wants to hire out the Crown and Toga for the occasion, while Grumio offers his services as wedding planner. But their plans are threatened when they find out that Darius is a serial jilter. Elsewhere, Marcus clashes with their lazy postman.

The boys face uncertainty when Landlord evicts them without notice from their flat. Marcus hopes his parents, who are visiting for the weekend, will help him onto the property ladder. But his dad has other plans for their savings. Jason's smooth-talking lands him a cushy job as an estate agent.

The boys begin an archaeological dig in their bar after Grumio unearths an old brooch whilst sitting on the loo. They try to keep their activity a secret but others cotton on. And when a professor of archaeology goes missing, the boys, who paid him a recent visit, are brought in for questioning.

The boys attempt to infiltrate a local firm of chariot hooligans in order to get some big drinkers into their bar. Grumio is soon welcomed into the fold by Paulus, head honcho of the Green Army, but Marcus falls out with Gloria, whose shop front keeps getting smashed up by their new clientele.

There's a heatwave in Rome and Marcus has invested in an exciting new gimmick for the bar - ice. Grumio develops an innovation of his own in the form of a hat-parasol hybrid, which attracts the attention of wealthy entrepreneur Severus. Jason and Aurelius both join male escort agency the Knights of Eros.

The boys gate-crash a posh banquet having received an invitation by mistake. Once there, Marcus attempts to win favour with their host, Senator Varus, whilst Jason seduces a bored aristocrat, Rufina. Banished to eat with the other slaves, Grumio overhears what he thinks might be a poison plot.

Marcus offers to tutor Gloria's teenage son Barney, who's struggling at school, while Jason gives him coaching in his own specialist subject, romance. Grumio is mistaken for a schoolboy and soon finds himself recruited into the under-14s boxing team.

The boys set off on a wine-buying trip to Tuscany. But when their cart has a collision on the road, they're forced to pull in to a nearby village. There, Jason hooks up with local milk-maid Calypso and Grumio develops a taste for foraged truffles.