Homer starts a security company that ultimately replaces the cops---and runs afoul of mobster Fat Tony

Homer's community service for threatening an endangered species involves helping a kindly senior, who meets an untimely death.

Lisa becomes friends with college girls who are unaware of her age. Bart is bitten by a Chinese mosquito and must live in a bubble. Bart and Lisa also share a special moment.

Homer accidentally walks in on Apu when he is cheating on his wife at the Kwiki Mart.

Encouraged by comic-book guru Stan Lee (in a cameo), Bart creates a strip about Homer that gets onto the Internet.

The Springfield Friars Club roasts Homer, with emcee Krusty the Clown introducing friends, family and their memories from past episodes.

Homer uses medicinal marijuana to relieve pain from eye injuries he suffered when attacked by crows.

Homer refuses to pay a really high phone bill then their service is shut off. The family travels to Rio De Janeiro to see Lisa's sponsored orphan.

Homer discovers a library book he checked out when Bart was born and Lisa suggests that he read aloud from it. Blackboard: 'Vampire is not a career choice'.

Grampa Simpson regains his driver's license to woo a new woman but is goaded into a race by senior punks.

Bart and Lisa try to help an old cowboy actor, who yearns to reclaim his past fame by getting him booked on the Krusty the Clown show.

Bart ends up becoming close friends with Greta Wolfecastle after a fun fair and he has a blind eye to her feelings about him. Blackboard: 'The giving tree is not a chump'.

Now fabulously wealthy, Marge's grabby prom date Artie Ziff offers a million dollars for a weekend with her that, he says, will have "no funny stuff." The Simpsons agree when they realize the money will help their marriage---by paying for an operation that will cure Homer's snoring.

When Homer accidentally breaks his jaw, he has to have it wired shut and can not talk. He learns to become the good listener that Marge has wanted.

Ben Stiller plays a sugar company's CEO who draws Marge's ire after Springfield is declared the "World's Fattest Town."

Grampa comes to Homer's rescue after Ned and His Vegas wives show up at the house.

In this Christmas episode, Richard Gere offers Buddhist teachings to Lisa after she leaves her church because of Mr. Burns' tacky fund-raising efforts, which include commercials (during sermons) and podium-placed ads. Blackboard: 'I do not have a cereal named after me'.

Marge becomes obsessed with a brand of paper towels and Homer pulls a gag on her. To make up for it, Homer takes her out, gets hypnotized and regresses to a childhood fear and starts screaming and does not stop until the source of the fear is drawn out of him. Blackboard 'I am not Charlie Brown on acid'.

Homer is hired to write fortunes for fortune cookies, one of them changes Mr. Burn's life. Homer helps Mr. Burns with his dating. Blackboard: 'Fun does not have a size'.

Moe gets more depressed than usual and renovates his tavern. He then kicks the old gang out and Homer opens a bar in his garage so the gang can have a place to hang out and fit in.

Bart is tethered to Homer as punishment for stealing a police cruiser. Blackboard 'Nobody reads these anymore!'.

"Treehouse of Horror XII" includes Pierce Brosnan as the voice of a computerized house that falls for Marge; a Gypsy's curse bringing bad luck to Homer's loved ones; and Bart and Lisa as competing wizards, with Bart enlisting help from a dark source.