Homer teaches a class on "Secrets of a Successful Marriage," but sharing secrets about his own union gets him kicked out of the house. Blackboard: 'Five days is not too long to wait for a gun'.

Grandpa Simpson falls for Marge's mother, but loses out to a competitor; Bart gets ripped off shopping at home with Homer's credit card.

Bart can clear Mayor Quimby's nephew of a charge of battery, but only by implicating himself as a hooky player. Blackboard: 'There are plenty of businesses like show business'.

Bart takes his dog to school, which gets Skinner fired, which in turn leaves Bart missing his archnemesis. Blackboard: 'I will not celebrate meaningless milestones'.

Bart is picked to be Burns' heir and moves into the Burns mansion, prompting Homer and Marge to hire a deprogrammer to get him back. Blackboard: 'The pledge of Allegiance does not end with hail satan'.

Bart wins an elephant, but Homer won't let him keep it. Blackboard: 'Organ transplants are best left to the professionals'.

Flanders' extra ticket to the big game makes him Homer's new best friend, a role that sorely tests Flanders' patience. Blackboard: 'I am not delightfully saucy'.

Homer and Barney compete to be the first "average" American in space.

Lisa's outrage over the gender stereotypes reinforced by a new talking doll prompts her to confront the dollmaker (Kathleen Turner).

Homer accompanies Apu to the Kwik-E-Mart home office---in India---after Apu is fired. Blackboard: 'I will not go near the kindergarten turtle'.

When an on-air remark catapults Bart to instant stardom, he finds that fame isn't all it's cracked up to be. Blackboard: 'My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man'.

Homer leads a vigilante group to catch the Springfield Cat Burglar (voice of Sam Neill), who then robs the museum. Blackboard: 'I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers'.

Legalized gambling comes to Springfield, and Marge becomes addicted; Robert Goulet entertains at Bart's casino for kids. Blackboard: 'I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause'.

Homer is attracted to a pretty power-plant worker (voice of Michelle Pfeiffer), and Werner Klemperer speaks for the guardian angel who helps Homer fight temptation. Blackboard: 'All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.'.

Bart joins the Junior Campers, which isn't all bad until he goes on a rafting trip that includes Flanders and "celebrity dad" Ernest Borgnine.

Springfield emulates Bart after he's praised by a self-help guru. James Brown has a cameo at Springfield's Do What You Want festival.

Marge's wild night out with neighbor Ruth (Pamela Reed) includes running from the police in Ruth's car, stolen from her ex.

Homer sells his soul; Vampire Burns invites the Simpsons for dinner; Bart sees a gremlin damaging his school bus.

Burns longs for a childhood toy that winds up in the grip of Maggie.

Homer takes Nuclear Physics 101 at the local college, where he gets a trio of nerdy tutors expelled for extracurricular activities.

The Simpsons go incognito to avoid the newly paroled Sideshow Bob, who's out to get Bart. Blackboard: 'The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy'.

Homer recalls when he, Apu, Barney and Principal Skinner became recording icons---after Barney replaced Chief Wiggum, on the advice of their manager. Blackboard: 'I will never win an emmy'.