When the boys enter Lois in a beauty pageant as a joke, she takes it seriously and competes to win; Malcolm becomes a slave to Mr. Herkabe; and Reese discovers he's beautiful.

While Dewey helps Francis research games for job interview; the Buseys take their teacher hostage; Malcolm talks Hal into becoming head of the local homeowners' association.

Malcolm gets promoted to a position promoting the Lucky Aide from atop a pair of stilts; Hal tries to make up for accidentally blowing the household budget on a phone-sex line.

Hal takes over for a motivational speaker at a seminar and discovers a talent for the job; Reese joins a dog pack; and Lois catches Dewey "seeing another mom."

Ida forces Lois to bake a special tart for an old world saint's holiday; Malcolm meets his match with music appreciation; and Hal tries to bod with Reese by watching gory horror movies.

While working the night shift at the Lucky Aide, Malcolm finds a man living in the store; and Reese befriends a crop of caterpillars he acquired during his spring break job.

On Francis' 21st birthday, Hal fulfills an old promise to take Francis on a motorcycle trip; and Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey hide from a bully who wants to give one of them a beating.

Dewey defies his father and invites an oddball school chum for a sleepover; Malcolm and Reese discover just how unpopular they are with their peers.

After Ida loses a leg saving Dewey from being hit by a truck, Francis is forced to stay with her, Dewey holds a funeral for the severed limb.

When Hal and Lois carve out some time for deep personal discussions, Hal is upset to learn Lois doesn't believe in an afterlife; Malcolm is roped into emceeing a silly charity auction at school.

Indecisive Hal is chosen to make a life-or-death decision for a neighbor he hardly knows; and Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey coach Craig on fighting his arch-enemy.

When his parents fight over a new bed, Dewey writes an opera based on their arguments; Malcolm gets into "street luging."

After Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey get caught defacing a billboard advertising a strip club, they try to escape Lois' wrath by staging an improptu protest for women's rights.

Malcolm uses his illegal gambling profits to buy a junk car, which quickly takes over is life; Hal discovers a talent for hair styling; and Lois discovers Craig is having an affair with the boss' wife.

Trying to win a battle of wills with young Jamie, Lois brings Francis home to help her remember how she conquered him when he was a baby.

When Hal gets stressed out over buying Lois an anniversary gift, he starts sleepwalking, which Reese discovers is a highly suggestible state; Malcolm tries to learn to play the guitar.

With Money too tight for Christmas gifts, Lois declares a "handmade" Christmas; Hal panics when his gifts don't measure up to those made by his sons.

When Stevie's wayward mother Kitty returns, everyone except Lois forgives her; after an intense sunburn, Reese attempts to peel a whole, intact coat of skin from his body.

Neighbor Jessica convinces Malcolm that Reese is gay and Reese that Malcolm is gay; Dewey write an essay on Hal as his hero.

Malcolm and Lois clash over an offensive advertising standee at the drug store; and Hal battles a garbage man who refuses to pick up a large item from the family's trash.

Reclassified as "normal" at school, Dewey basks in Lois' approval but is sorely missed by his former special-needs classmates; and Hal becomes a genius hero to a group of dimwitted bodybuilders.

While guilt-ridden Malcolm and Dewey try to do penance for driving Reese into the Army, Lois goes on a mission to find Reese and bring him home...and Reese himself goes AWOL.