While Hawkeye is paymaster, a goat eats the payroll, making him personally responsible until the goat's eating habits are established with an officer from headquarters.

After becoming fed up with his bunkmates' living habits, Hawkeye moves out of The Swamp and into a quaint shack behind Rosie's. Meanwhile, Charles and B.J. continue to annoy one another: Charles with his loud, classical music playing at all hours, and B.J. constantly sharing news of Erin's potty training.

Ignoring Margaret's offers to help, Potter and B.J. head a bowling team in a championship match against the Marines. Hawkeye's father is having an operation back home, so Hawkeye feels helpless enough to confide in Charles.

A famous prizefighter, "Gentleman Joe" Cavanaugh, comes to visit the 4077th and while there, has a stroke. Everyone is irritated as Pierce, serving as his doctor, becomes spokesman to the press. Father Mulcahy is upset, since Gentleman Joe was his childhood hero.

When Charles, Hawkeye, and B.J. determine promotion recommendations, they are wooed by the enlisted staff while a bully physically threatens Charles. Potter helps a GI who is being razzed by colleagues for being faithful to his girl.

Fearing for his life at an aid station, Hawkeye writes his will with special bequests for his friends.

After Hawkeye corrects a mistake that Colonel Potter made on a patient, Potter fears he's losing his touch badly enough to summon Dr. Sidney Freeman.

While Winchester fearfully avoids getting his agonizing toothache treated, the other surgeons discover a racist commander is sending his African-American soldiers disproportionally into dangerous duty.

A special egg breakfast is complicated by a distraught AWOL soldier talking Father Mulcahy into granting him sanctuary in the mess tent during a preceding church service.

When a visiting U.N. war correspondent sensationalizes the war instead of reporting it, Hawkeye is outraged. B.J. tries to repair a motorcycle donated to him by a wounded private.

Margaret tries desperately to get to Tokyo for her birthday, and the camp helps an injured cow give birth with Klinger starting a betting pool on the exact day and time.

While Klinger is delirious with fever, he communicates with the ghost of deceased Private Jimmy Weston.

On the day after Christmas, the 4077th decides to try out an English tradition, Boxing Day, where the officers and enlisted personnel change places for a day.

It's the day of Klinger's hearing before a special court martial. Will Klinger be sent up the river? With Charles as his attorney, it's almost certain. Meanwhile, Hawkeye and B.J. set out to catch the real thief.

When Hawkeye's snappy new Polaroid camera is stolen, Klinger searches the black market and finds it. Unfortunately en route back to camp, Klinger is stopped by MPs who assume he is the camera thief.

During a newspaper shortage, Charles gets newspapers from home, refuses to share them, and incurs the wrath of the whole camp. A patient and a soldier are Asian brothers on opposite sides of the war.

After being cited for reckless Jeep driving, Colonel Potter voluntarily takes driving lessons from Rizzo and B.J. decides he will make all the money he can to pay the second Mortgage, by gambling.

Hawkeye writes to President Truman complaining about the war and the senseless tasks they have to do, like camp beautification to obtain a needed water heater.

The Army is starting a new MASH unit, and the surgeons and staff of the 4077th fear they will be split up and reassigned. So they act completely unprofessional, uncouth, and incompetent in front of an army rep hoping he will reconsider.

Father Mulcahy counsels a guilt-ridden GI who swapped tags with a dead colleague. B.J. and Charles consider ways of keeping a soldier-salesman quiet, while Hawkeye and Margaret help another GI get even with the woman who jilted him.

A touring USO show brings an unexpected touch of vaudeville to the 4077th when the star showgirl requires an emergency operation.